Super Mom

Faster than a speeding bullet, in a million places at once, queen of multi-tasking, never distracted, always on time, worlds greatest cook and her home is immaculate all the time without the help of a maid. 

Have you met this woman?  You know her she is a myth, her name is Super Mom, she does everything and it is all done perfectly.  Leaving the rest of us to feel not even worthy to call ourselves mom. 

She looks different to different women, she is whatever we are not.  She, to us, is whatever we feel we are supposed to be, or what the world has told us we are supposed to be.  There was a movement in the 60's, it was all about women and how we as women were getting the shaft.  We needed rights, the right to work for equal pay, the right to do what we wanted to do and when we wanted to do it.   How awesome woman power right?  Pink is out, aprons are out, put on the power suit and go to work girls.  Being just a mom is not enough, we deserve more, who wants to be just a mom anyways? 

I do, I just want to be a mom, a wife, a woman, where femininity is not a weakness but a blessing.  Where I don't have to apologize for what I am.

I am all for equal opportunity, ladies if you want to be a police officer go for it...as long as you can do what the males can, shoot the same weapon, run the same distance and back up your partners.  Go ahead be a firefighter, if you can carry a man twice your size out of a burning building, I am not going to die because you could not equally do your job.  Want to be a sailor, marine, solider or airman, go for it.  I hope you can do your job without using your boobs to get ahead. 
There are a handful of women that can do these jobs just as well as their male counterparts and then there are the rest that except to do them because we have "equal" rights.
I am all for you working out of your home, but does your family suffer from it?  I know many have to now, so your familys' can survive and I am by no means talking down to you or think you are less of a mom. 

I just wanted you all to know what I am about to right about, is not just to blast my contemporaries who do not live the same life style as I do.  All mom's suffer from wanting to be Super Mom.  The mom who does it all and never falls down, but what does Super Mom look like, who is she?  She is YOU! 
Last week when I was running, I started thinking about who exactly is Super Mom, who actually gets to wear that title, what does she look like?  Is she really just a lie that the world has made up so, we can constantly feel in adequate?
I have came to some conclusions about this elusive mom.
1. Working moms
2. Stay at home moms, work just as hard as the rest of the moms.
3. Home School moms, are not freaks, we desire, friendship and coffee with other moms too.
4. That each of these categories whether intentional or unintentional, only hang out with one another in that group and tend not to hang out with the other kind of mom. 
Number four really bothers me, I can safely say I have lived in each of the first three lives, within the last ten years. 
Number one, as a single mom from 1999 to late 2004.  In 2002/2003 I came to the realization that I was missing my daughters life, and I desired to be at home with her. Even though, I thought staying at home was stupid.  Women who do it, are dumb for not doing anything else and how could you stay at home the your whole life?  Then who are you once your children are grown and gone, you would have nothing.
Then in late 2004 I became, mom number two, I struggled with what I was supposed to do with my day and life.  I thought I would become a zombie who watched soaps and did nothing.  I was wrong because being a mother and a wife is a lot more.  I also believed that there was no way, I could ever home school my child and women that did were nuts.  By late 2006, I felt a small yet loud conviction, that we as a family should home school.  After much prayer we have now home schooled for the last 5 years.
None of the three are better than a particular one, each of us all are in fact moms.  All trying to be Super each day. We all try to juggle work, activities and the rest of life.  We all try to do the million plus one more thing.  We all fall short, we all are exhausted and we all wonder why we can not get it together. 
What if you are not made to do a million plus one thing a day?  What if the only thing you are supposed to do is invest in your family the best you can? At the end of the day, in your Super Mom roll are you rejoicing in it or are you more stressed out than you were the day before?  Most moms are on the run constantly, work (either at home or in the world), take all their children to all their different activities, try to figure out how to get homework done and fit a dinner in there somewhere.  Those are the things we think we need to get done and that isn't even adding all the chores in the day.  Sometimes, I think when you throw the chores in the day, you feel over whelmed and want to hide.  After all who wants to scrub toilets, floors or windows?  Who wants to tackle the never ending laundry?  I don't.  I wish, it would magic its self done. 
In our Super Mom moments, we expect me time, gym time and time with just the girls, after all we are on the go constantly therefore we deserve these small things.  My problem with the Super Mom syndrome is, no one tells you it is okay to say no.  No one tells you, you do not have to let your children join every stinking club out there, no one tells you don't have to be the den leader or team mom.  No one ever tells you the most important things are not things at all, they are lives.  Placed in front of you for a short time, a blink of an eye moment and they move on, to bigger and better things.   Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  Psalm 127: 3-5
Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.  Proverbs 17:6
When we get busy doing our million plus one thing, we miss the ones we are doing it all for.  It doesn't matter if you are mom 1, 2, or 3, none of us are a immune to this.  All of us tend to say "Just a minute", "Not now" or "Maybe tomorrow".  How many times in a day or week does one of your children ask you if you are listening to them? How many times do you really listen to them?  Maybe a Super Mom,  is the mom who has the power to stop the things and sit down, listen, read the story, play the game and invest in the heart.  A Super Mom stops the world from turning, so she can know her child's heart. So she doesn't freak out when they are not the child she thought they were.  They really are who she knows them to be, because she did slow down to notice.  As moms it is really easy to get caught up in the things and actives of the day.  It is hard to build lasting relationships because we have to do so much stuff.  In reality we only have to do what God needs us to do.  To raise up a generation who loves Him. 
I had a really hard time writing this particular post, in fact it has taken me five days of starting a thought and stopping.  I knew I was supposed write this, but I could not find any scripture about being a mom.  There is scripture about fathers, wives and children.  There are scripture references to how to treat your mom, or how a mom loves her children but, not hey lady, this is how you are to be one.  I even brought this up to my husband.  His reply was simple, you can not be Super Mom with out God, you can not do all you need to do each day without His strength and guidance, you can not be the mom who wakes before the sun if you do not have the proper relationship with God.  You can not make through your day and be the mom you are supposed without his support and loving him first.  
Wisdom from a man... He is absolutely right, you can not really love your children until you love God, you can not really do a million plus one things a day until He has strengthened you.  If God loves us enough to stop and invest in our lives we can stop and invest in our children lives.  The best part is to invest in their lives you do not even have to keep them busy or be on the go constantly.  We can just slow down, say no, say it is okay not to have an activity every night.  It is okay not to rush all day and be stressed out over unimportant things. Our homes, do not have to be spotless and our dinners can come out of a box, it is oaky.  When it comes right down to it, each of us are Super Mom's, because we all have been given different children and we only have to be Super to them.

another contest

I am entering another contest from the wellpanned day, people for t-shirts.  I know exciting, one day i will win a contest, will this be it?

Attention to detail

Dare I say the words again? Attention to detail, if you are as lucky as I am, you too have heard these three words all your life.  First from my Dad, then in the Navy, and finally my Husband.  You can use those three words for many parts of your daily life, whether it involves cleaning, making dinner, teaching children, mowing the lawn, creating a gift and even where you are walking.  Sometimes the person who puts their heart and soul into a painting, an egg, a Cuckoo clock, a home, a garden or creation.  You can stand in awe of what has been so masterfully put together. 


Other times it is easier, like when cleaning, to just get the surface. You know dust the major areas and skip the minor ones or vacuum most of the house except for the nooks and crannies. The problem with this is, over time those, unseen places become seen, in fact they can cause more problems than they are worth.  Those silly little details can be the cause of a corner of papers waiting to start a fire, an asthma attack for someone you love.  I know that you might be thinking I am being a little to extreme, but am I?  Couldn't those things happen? As I was cleaning on Friday (actually vacuuming my ceilings, who knew the could get so filthy), it struck me, my marriage is like this house, I can dust off the surface or I can pay attention to the details. 

You see just like in everything else you do, in you marriage details matter too.  Most of the time it is not just worth dusting and tiding up the surface areas of your marriage if the cracks are being filled up with trash.  You know brushing off the argument but still leaving a little of the sting behind or storing up all the unintentional hurts and never speaking up about them.  It is just like shoving a little more dust and dirt in the cracks.  Pretty soon the beautiful details of your marriage are ugly, filthy, cover in a thick layer of grime. In fact, you and your spouse might not even recognize the marriage you two are in anymore. 

How do you keep from the details of your marriage becoming tarnished and unrecognizable?  How do you keep from doing the easy thing, brushing off almost all the hurts or storing up the insults?  How do you keep the mole hill from turning into a Volcano? 
Be Angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Eph 4:26
This verse in the Bible, is a tough one for me.  I, like so many others rather respond to the one I love with a sassy, haughty "NOTHINGS WRONG" and roll over with tears in my eyes and go to sleep.  The problem with my response is that I wake up just as mad as I was the night before, in fact probably a little more so than when I went to sleep.  The other part I have trouble with is not sinning in my anger.  Anger it self is not wrong, God and Jesus both got angry, it is what we do when you are angry that can cause the problem.  You see my tongue can say the wrong thing, okay my heart and mouth say the wrong things when I am angry causing me to sin in my anger.  You got that?  What to do then?  How do I fix this problem?  First, let me say I alone can not fix this one, only through prayer and Jesus can I.  Can I just stop my tongue from saying something hurtful.  Yes, I can it is my tongue! Maybe it means, I put myself in time out and then go, state my case. That way the passion of the moment is gone, I have had time to think about what was truly said and maybe even have a change a heart.  The hard part is not going to bed.  It might mean you and your spouse are up to three a.m. talking about those tiny little details. 

How about the other things that can cause dust and cobwebs to build up, you know the things we as women are naturally good at.  Things that are spouses don't throw in the nooks and crannies but we do? Nagging, looking for an excuse to argue, whining about his chores vs her chores, complaining about things even when it was meant for good.  Well, Proverbs has a lot to say about this.  Check these verses out.
It is better to live in a desert land Than with a CONTENTIOUS and VEXING woman.
Proverbs 21:19 (NASB)
Contentious: Apt to contend; given to angry debate; quarrelsome; perverse.
Vexing: Provoking; irritating; afflicting
or
It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a CONTENTIOUS woman. Proverbs 25:24 (NASB)
finally
A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a CONTENTIOUS woman are alike;
Proverbs 27:15 (NASB)
I would like to point out two things first in the NIV contentious is replaced with nagging.  So when I applied these verses to my heart I took them literally as in not to nag.  Instead I would ask once and lay my request at God's feet.  It was now in God's hands to work in my husbands life.  That meant for me, to wait on God, whether it was an hour, day, week, month or year.  I have laid many requests at Gods feet and many of requests have been answered in HIS timing, not mine.  Second when I read these verses again this time with a NASB
Even though cleaning the surface of a marriage is the easy thing to do, is it worth the tarnished details, that become hidden over time?  Who wants to live in the hot desert on a corner of a roof top, with a annoying sound?  Wouldn't it be better to live in an oasis, lush, green, rich in color, and with of the aroma tropical flowers all around you?  It could be like living in the hanging gardens of Babylon instead of the Gobi desert. 
Here is a thought to leave you with.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22
We are good things given to a man who has favor in the LORD.  Wouldn't you like to clean out your nook and crannies with me and become the wives we were meant to be?

Yeah, yep, huh, what and acknowledgement

Do your children suffer from the yeahs and yeps?  How about the huhs and what's?  Maybe they just totally do not acknowledge you when you are speaking to them.  We are having a summer of bad habits, whether it is a yeah or a yep, an huh or a what, and finally just a plain not choosing to respond. Here is the problem, I am there biggest influence and most of their "socialization" skills come from yours truly.  So when my three sweet children started some bad habits, I of coarse wondered where in the world are they getting these from? They aren't at summer camps or day camps, they don't watch hours of unsupervised TV, they don't spend there time playing video games or computer games, and usually if they are playing with friends it is at our house.
First problem...our sweet five year old son, his disease the huhs and what's.  When you would speak to him, he would would respond with one of those responses.  Like, uh what'd you say or What? I didn't hear you.  The cure correcting the response to "Excuse me, Ma'am or Sir".  I had to remind him at first or simply say I would not answer that question.  He has done so much better.  Two weeks after the problem and cure were addressed he asked mommy a question.  My answer was a "Huh, what'd you say?"  He of coarse told me about the error of my ways.  Oops.
Second problem...our sweet twelve year does not like to respond, when spoken to.  After weeks of nagging and explaining that it is rude and Daddy does not like this she finally got it.  Not even a day later while at swimming lessons, I asked for a time check.  She tells me "Mommy, it is 3:45pm" and she repeats herself two more times and finally states in a loud voice "Mommy, you are not acknowledging me!" Dang it... In all fairness I was focused on teaching swimming lessons, but I did hear and should have answered.
Third problem...our sweet six year old and her disease, the darn yeps and yeahs. This one bugs me the most, this one I am guilty of the most too.  Every time a question is asked to her, her answer has become a yep or a yeah.  Followed by a gentle honey, please say "Yes, Ma'am or Sir" (We live in Alabama, this is not child abuse it is the way things are done.) Finally Thursday, I had enough, I took an old Navy trick, done at Corps School to a classmate of mine, Abigail go over to that trash can and say yep until all of them are in the garbage.  "Are they all gone?" "Yeah." "Good, now say 'yeah' in the garbage can until they are all gone."  "Are they all gone?"  "Yes, Ma'am."  Problem solved kind of we are still working on it, they have become a lot less though.  Fast forward to Friday, my son and I were going to swimming lessons, he talks non stop, he asked me a question.  Do you know what my answer was, I think it was along the lines of "yeah, you are right."  Followed by a, "Mommy, you are not supposed to say yeah when you are asked a question." Ugh!!!
So, going back to the beginning of this blogged message, I would like to say, I have a problem with yeahs, yeps, huhs, what's, and acknowledging others when they are speaking to me.
Solution, this Mommy needs to take time to say, "Yes", "Excuse, me could you repeat yourself" and take the time to respond to the ones I love when they are speaking to me. Yeah, it happens to the best of us. Should we give up or try harder?

Splish Splash...

Summer time fun. 
Most of you know I am a mom, teacher, helpmate etc...but I have a secret identity in the summer.  I flash back to when I am 14 years old, all the way through high school and I become "Ms. Erica, swim teacher!"  I am kind of like Superman maybe more Wonderwoman, I stand on pool decks across Auburn, Alabama and instruct children of all ages.  I will have to say that this has always had to be one of the best jobs ever. I enjoy so many parts of teaching swimming lessons, the smiles of a child when he/she accomplishes something new or "scary", and how children smile with their eyes. 
There is one final reason I cherish teaching swimming lessons in the summer (besides the fabulous tan)children say and do the cutest things.  There is never a dull moment. Here are some of my favorite things and quotes of the summer....
One little boy choked on some water and came up telling me "his squeaker is broken." A reference to his favorite movie Toy Story.
While swimming on her back, practicing kicks, with the aide of a kick board, one 5 year old girl told me "My neck is tired."
Another 5 year old girl told me, "Ms. Erica! Those dark clouds are freaking me out!"
One of my favorite cuties, a 3 year old girl, who did not want to swim with me would cry and cry and in between sobs say..."but I love you, Ms. Erica."
A sweet 3 year old blond boy, who has the heart to please, but is a boy.  Would get up to do his own thing, (aka not do what he is supposed to) when I asked him if he is obeying, his answer, "but I y'am yistening."  
Although this was not a quote she defiantly deserves kudos,the mom who bravely took a seahorse (dive stick)in the face and did not respond in anger but with love receives five stars.  I don't think I could have responded the same way if one of my own children had done the same.
T

Entering a drawing

Welll, I have not had a post in a while do to my fun summer job (post to follow), but I am now entering a contest from The Home Educating Family Magazine and Well Planned DayHomeschooler Planner.  To win a gift basket from Majestic Hills Lavendar Farm. I like thier page on facebook, won't you like their page too?
Thanks Erica