Every good and....

"Every good and perfect gift is from above..."James 1:17

 

    I love this verse in the Bible you can apply it almost to every part of your life.  Whether you think of your spouse as a good and perfect gift, or the job you really needed; the one that fits you perfectly.  The perfect used car that you didn't have to go into debt for.  Your health, your youth or maybe your age, wisdom, and of course your children.  They are always the perfect and good gift from above. 

     I think one of the most precious gifts though, is time.  It is something that you can not obtain more of, it is something that you don't even know how much you will have or with whom you will spend the least or most time with.  It is something you can squander, it is something you can wish there was more of.  The truth is you can not have  more of it, wealth will not provide you with more or less.   It most certainly is something that is gone in a blink of an eye.  Time is something God set in the hearts of men.  No other creatures knows or understands this concept.  Some things only live a day or two others last years and centuries. I do know that is fleeting and it is something I am guilty of wasting at times.  I sometimes miss the time I have to spend with my spouse and my children, wanting quiet instead.

    This weekend I received two good and perfect gifts.  One was the ability to have enough money to take my girls to Mother Daughter weekend. The second was the time to spend with my girls.  You might say I "get" to spend all my time with them as they are home schooled.  You might even be thinking  a better gift would be alone time.  Well, I do spend the majority of my "time" with my children.  Sometimes, I think, quantity is confused for quality time.  Yes, the majority of my time is with them, but somehow, sometimes I miss the quality of the time  in the midst of the quantity.  I mistake/take for granted that I spend so much time with them.  I miss who they are and who they are becoming.  I take the "I have all the time in the world" attitude.  Instead of the "thank you for this time and day with these gifts you have given me" attitude.  If you are thinking that maybe I should work and then I would find the time.  Oh, but I have.  I have worked and ran between activities and crashed exhausted at the end of my day.  I still would have and did mistake quantity for quality.

    Whether you have boys or girls investing in their lives is one of the most important things you and I will ever do.  I loved this past weekend, it was a good reminder that my girls are growing up and how very different their personalities are.  One loves shopping, art, home made facial/spa treatment and pools.  The other I think would be Laura Croft if that was possible, shooting riffles, using a bow and arrows, climbing trees and a ropes course make her smile.  Although they are different in so many ways they are still my girls and even have a few things in common.  Like horse back riding, rising to a challenge, being competitive and loving their momma (even if one will not speak the words out loud).  My Laura Croft even danced with me!!! Shut up I know right? She danced the whole thing of Cotton Eye Joe, that is love.  I also got to teach them how to play four square, I forgot how fun that game was.  I am pretty sure there are a lot more rules than their used to be too.  I was reminded of their creativity when we went to arts and crafts.  I also saw how three bird houses could look so different and the same at the same time.  As I smiled at one, she asked why I was smiling at them.  Simply because they delight my heart, was my answer.  I also learned in my time with them what a lucky mom I am.  I have two very unique, sweet and kind girls I have. 

    This last thing also showed me what kind of mom I am.  That apples do not fall from trees.  That in the midst of the time I spend with them they also pick up things from me.  They need to be reaffirmed on who they are and who they are created to be.  I didn't need a camp to tell me this or show me this, I just needed a little reminder that they are who they are because of the time invested in their lives.  They will either be affirmed or discouraged, by the time spent with them, each of them.  My son included.  Will the time I spend with them now, encourage them to grow into who I know they could be?  Will they learn to respect others and love others?  Will they mimic those around them or lead others to be different?  My Laura Croft is a beautiful young lady, who not only spent time with younger children, not impatiently but with kindness in her heart.  Enough so for the younger girls to tell her that "I thought all fourteen year olds, were supposed to be jerks."  Her response was "I didn't know that."  She is responsible enough to go and shoot riffles on her own (supervised of course), and when the councilors sought me out; it was to tell me that she was amazing and very mature, awe shucks.  My  fashion diva, is not with out courage and perseverance.  She will try anything, even though she is terrified of high places she chose the room on the top floor.  So she could work on going down steps, so she won't be that afraid of the stairs anymore.  She climbed thirty feet up a tree, to do the zip line.  Not fast like my Tomb Raider, slowly pausing and letting everyone know she had to get her courage up.  She truly is like Sara Noble.  Once to the top she sat for a minute and got her courage up to zip down.  She shot her arrows until she hit the target and the arrow stuck.  (ten rounds five arrows each round) That is perseverance.  Her jumping into the freezy cold pool (it was heated to a balmy 78 degrees).  She also has a very good knack for understanding, retaining and learning new information. She loves the outdoors and Gods creation she recognizes that it is Gods creation and it is very special.  Finally,when they want to, they get along very well.  That they even will encourage each other. 

     This time I will not get back and next year we can not relive it.  It was a gift and a blessing from above.  This is the time to whisper into their lives, to remind them how very important and special they are.  That they are indeed; unique and created with and for a purpose.  In the end, the time and love you spend is the love you will get in return. 



Super Mom

Faster than a speeding bullet, in a million places at once, queen of multi-tasking, never distracted, always on time, worlds greatest cook and her home is immaculate all the time without the help of a maid. 

Have you met this woman?  You know her she is a myth, her name is Super Mom, she does everything and it is all done perfectly.  Leaving the rest of us to feel not even worthy to call ourselves mom. 

She looks different to different women, she is whatever we are not.  She, to us, is whatever we feel we are supposed to be, or what the world has told us we are supposed to be.  There was a movement in the 60's, it was all about women and how we as women were getting the shaft.  We needed rights, the right to work for equal pay, the right to do what we wanted to do and when we wanted to do it.   How awesome woman power right?  Pink is out, aprons are out, put on the power suit and go to work girls.  Being just a mom is not enough, we deserve more, who wants to be just a mom anyways? 

I do, I just want to be a mom, a wife, a woman, where femininity is not a weakness but a blessing.  Where I don't have to apologize for what I am.

I am all for equal opportunity, ladies if you want to be a police officer go for it...as long as you can do what the males can, shoot the same weapon, run the same distance and back up your partners.  Go ahead be a firefighter, if you can carry a man twice your size out of a burning building, I am not going to die because you could not equally do your job.  Want to be a sailor, marine, solider or airman, go for it.  I hope you can do your job without using your boobs to get ahead. 
There are a handful of women that can do these jobs just as well as their male counterparts and then there are the rest that except to do them because we have "equal" rights.
I am all for you working out of your home, but does your family suffer from it?  I know many have to now, so your familys' can survive and I am by no means talking down to you or think you are less of a mom. 

I just wanted you all to know what I am about to right about, is not just to blast my contemporaries who do not live the same life style as I do.  All mom's suffer from wanting to be Super Mom.  The mom who does it all and never falls down, but what does Super Mom look like, who is she?  She is YOU! 
Last week when I was running, I started thinking about who exactly is Super Mom, who actually gets to wear that title, what does she look like?  Is she really just a lie that the world has made up so, we can constantly feel in adequate?
I have came to some conclusions about this elusive mom.
1. Working moms
2. Stay at home moms, work just as hard as the rest of the moms.
3. Home School moms, are not freaks, we desire, friendship and coffee with other moms too.
4. That each of these categories whether intentional or unintentional, only hang out with one another in that group and tend not to hang out with the other kind of mom. 
Number four really bothers me, I can safely say I have lived in each of the first three lives, within the last ten years. 
Number one, as a single mom from 1999 to late 2004.  In 2002/2003 I came to the realization that I was missing my daughters life, and I desired to be at home with her. Even though, I thought staying at home was stupid.  Women who do it, are dumb for not doing anything else and how could you stay at home the your whole life?  Then who are you once your children are grown and gone, you would have nothing.
Then in late 2004 I became, mom number two, I struggled with what I was supposed to do with my day and life.  I thought I would become a zombie who watched soaps and did nothing.  I was wrong because being a mother and a wife is a lot more.  I also believed that there was no way, I could ever home school my child and women that did were nuts.  By late 2006, I felt a small yet loud conviction, that we as a family should home school.  After much prayer we have now home schooled for the last 5 years.
None of the three are better than a particular one, each of us all are in fact moms.  All trying to be Super each day. We all try to juggle work, activities and the rest of life.  We all try to do the million plus one more thing.  We all fall short, we all are exhausted and we all wonder why we can not get it together. 
What if you are not made to do a million plus one thing a day?  What if the only thing you are supposed to do is invest in your family the best you can? At the end of the day, in your Super Mom roll are you rejoicing in it or are you more stressed out than you were the day before?  Most moms are on the run constantly, work (either at home or in the world), take all their children to all their different activities, try to figure out how to get homework done and fit a dinner in there somewhere.  Those are the things we think we need to get done and that isn't even adding all the chores in the day.  Sometimes, I think when you throw the chores in the day, you feel over whelmed and want to hide.  After all who wants to scrub toilets, floors or windows?  Who wants to tackle the never ending laundry?  I don't.  I wish, it would magic its self done. 
In our Super Mom moments, we expect me time, gym time and time with just the girls, after all we are on the go constantly therefore we deserve these small things.  My problem with the Super Mom syndrome is, no one tells you it is okay to say no.  No one tells you, you do not have to let your children join every stinking club out there, no one tells you don't have to be the den leader or team mom.  No one ever tells you the most important things are not things at all, they are lives.  Placed in front of you for a short time, a blink of an eye moment and they move on, to bigger and better things.   Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  Psalm 127: 3-5
Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.  Proverbs 17:6
When we get busy doing our million plus one thing, we miss the ones we are doing it all for.  It doesn't matter if you are mom 1, 2, or 3, none of us are a immune to this.  All of us tend to say "Just a minute", "Not now" or "Maybe tomorrow".  How many times in a day or week does one of your children ask you if you are listening to them? How many times do you really listen to them?  Maybe a Super Mom,  is the mom who has the power to stop the things and sit down, listen, read the story, play the game and invest in the heart.  A Super Mom stops the world from turning, so she can know her child's heart. So she doesn't freak out when they are not the child she thought they were.  They really are who she knows them to be, because she did slow down to notice.  As moms it is really easy to get caught up in the things and actives of the day.  It is hard to build lasting relationships because we have to do so much stuff.  In reality we only have to do what God needs us to do.  To raise up a generation who loves Him. 
I had a really hard time writing this particular post, in fact it has taken me five days of starting a thought and stopping.  I knew I was supposed write this, but I could not find any scripture about being a mom.  There is scripture about fathers, wives and children.  There are scripture references to how to treat your mom, or how a mom loves her children but, not hey lady, this is how you are to be one.  I even brought this up to my husband.  His reply was simple, you can not be Super Mom with out God, you can not do all you need to do each day without His strength and guidance, you can not be the mom who wakes before the sun if you do not have the proper relationship with God.  You can not make through your day and be the mom you are supposed without his support and loving him first.  
Wisdom from a man... He is absolutely right, you can not really love your children until you love God, you can not really do a million plus one things a day until He has strengthened you.  If God loves us enough to stop and invest in our lives we can stop and invest in our children lives.  The best part is to invest in their lives you do not even have to keep them busy or be on the go constantly.  We can just slow down, say no, say it is okay not to have an activity every night.  It is okay not to rush all day and be stressed out over unimportant things. Our homes, do not have to be spotless and our dinners can come out of a box, it is oaky.  When it comes right down to it, each of us are Super Mom's, because we all have been given different children and we only have to be Super to them.

Yeah, yep, huh, what and acknowledgement

Do your children suffer from the yeahs and yeps?  How about the huhs and what's?  Maybe they just totally do not acknowledge you when you are speaking to them.  We are having a summer of bad habits, whether it is a yeah or a yep, an huh or a what, and finally just a plain not choosing to respond. Here is the problem, I am there biggest influence and most of their "socialization" skills come from yours truly.  So when my three sweet children started some bad habits, I of coarse wondered where in the world are they getting these from? They aren't at summer camps or day camps, they don't watch hours of unsupervised TV, they don't spend there time playing video games or computer games, and usually if they are playing with friends it is at our house.
First problem...our sweet five year old son, his disease the huhs and what's.  When you would speak to him, he would would respond with one of those responses.  Like, uh what'd you say or What? I didn't hear you.  The cure correcting the response to "Excuse me, Ma'am or Sir".  I had to remind him at first or simply say I would not answer that question.  He has done so much better.  Two weeks after the problem and cure were addressed he asked mommy a question.  My answer was a "Huh, what'd you say?"  He of coarse told me about the error of my ways.  Oops.
Second problem...our sweet twelve year does not like to respond, when spoken to.  After weeks of nagging and explaining that it is rude and Daddy does not like this she finally got it.  Not even a day later while at swimming lessons, I asked for a time check.  She tells me "Mommy, it is 3:45pm" and she repeats herself two more times and finally states in a loud voice "Mommy, you are not acknowledging me!" Dang it... In all fairness I was focused on teaching swimming lessons, but I did hear and should have answered.
Third problem...our sweet six year old and her disease, the darn yeps and yeahs. This one bugs me the most, this one I am guilty of the most too.  Every time a question is asked to her, her answer has become a yep or a yeah.  Followed by a gentle honey, please say "Yes, Ma'am or Sir" (We live in Alabama, this is not child abuse it is the way things are done.) Finally Thursday, I had enough, I took an old Navy trick, done at Corps School to a classmate of mine, Abigail go over to that trash can and say yep until all of them are in the garbage.  "Are they all gone?" "Yeah." "Good, now say 'yeah' in the garbage can until they are all gone."  "Are they all gone?"  "Yes, Ma'am."  Problem solved kind of we are still working on it, they have become a lot less though.  Fast forward to Friday, my son and I were going to swimming lessons, he talks non stop, he asked me a question.  Do you know what my answer was, I think it was along the lines of "yeah, you are right."  Followed by a, "Mommy, you are not supposed to say yeah when you are asked a question." Ugh!!!
So, going back to the beginning of this blogged message, I would like to say, I have a problem with yeahs, yeps, huhs, what's, and acknowledging others when they are speaking to me.
Solution, this Mommy needs to take time to say, "Yes", "Excuse, me could you repeat yourself" and take the time to respond to the ones I love when they are speaking to me. Yeah, it happens to the best of us. Should we give up or try harder?

Mom

     Mom, Momma, Mommy, Mother, Ma and the list goes on.  Who knew such a name could impact so many lives either positively or negatively. Some when they hear this name instantly smile, other will tell you they do not know much about that person.  Whatever comes to your mind when you hear such a name it has impacted your life too. 
     When I was in grade school I don't know how many cards I made for my mom with the word MOM cut out and then when you flip it upside down it spells WOW.  Mom is wow isn't she though? I know my mother loved and still loves me but I had no idea how much she would impact my life until I was a mother myself.  You see as moms we touch our child's lives daily.  We interact with them daily for at least eighteen years of their precious lives. 
    What I have learned from my mom is how to be a mom.  Hopefully that is also what I teaching my girls.   Like my mother taught me, I pray I will teach them.  How to be a loving, selfless mother.  Who showers her children with love, but also is not afraid to say no or discipline them.  The kind of mom you enjoy being around, who later in life you sit in the kitchen with in tears from laughter.   Where it is still funny when she ties a spatula on your apron so when you walk it paddles your butt.  How to love unconditionally even when you disappoint her.  To raise her children up to love God.  To teach them how to love their families, who shows you that even though chores are chores you can choose what kind of heart to have when you do them.  The cool mom, you know the mom who everyone on field trips wanted to be with.  The one who goes camping because her family loves it not necessarily her.  The kind that knows the value of teaching a child to work and do their jobs with pride.  All these things my mom taught me.  She taught us the value of TIME.  That spending TIME is sharing love.  That loving the gifts God has bestowed to her was very important.  She did it well and still does now from a distance.  Thank you Mom.
I love you
Erica