Where does your strength come from?

I can do through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything prayer and petition...
Phil 4:6

Do you remember the story about Jesus walking on water and Peter saying "Lord if its you, tell me to come to you on the water." "Come." he said. And Peter went but about half way there he did what? Began to sink.  Why? Jesus has the answer.  "you of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" 

    Well, why do you doubt? Better yet why do I doubt?  Why in somethings I am completely confident in the Lord and others, I have faith but not complete faith?  Even when, I know all the promises sometimes I find myself very fearful. 
     You might even know I am but, but I am trembling on the inside.  When I am with peers, whew! Tough place to be.  The whole time I am thinking about things that so should not matter.  You know like, do they like me? Do my clothes look okay?  What are they really think about me?  Really no offense but do those things really matter. No, I am sorry they don't.  The only people I need to be worried about what they think is God and my family.  I am doing what I need to for those people.
   Others things I have been doing practically my whole life, like teaching swimming lesson.  Are they really learning, I am doing this right?  The answer is yes! Quite doubting yourself.  This is a God given talent. I am I doing my best, wait is what I said really wrong.  Well, there is a saying if you are going to be wrong, you might as well be confidently wrong. 
   As I was watching my sweet oldest child, doing something she has done for over half of her life, she still had that shyness, that fish out of water look. I felt bad for her.  I wanted to tell her, be commanding in your presence.  Don't doubt yourself! Get out there, and do it.  But then, I look and see me. I want to run out and tell all my secret promises I know.  She knows them well, I share them often. 
   There is comfort in a God who strengthens you in your weakness.  There is peace in a God who has planned your every step for the day.  He knows what we can handle, and what we can not.  He will never leave us, with something to hard.  It might seem utterly and impossible, but that is where you and I need to say.  Stop, I know I can do this through him who strengthens me.  I all things, not just the tough stuff.  But every step is done with help, from someone.  Do you know who that someone is? 

Religious or Faith? Or is it life?

   This is something I have been thinking about for a while, as I prayed through this and talked through this, I have come up with my answer.  Some people call others religious when they talk about being a christian or any faith based group, and in fact the most recent time I was called religious it was not meant as a compliment, but I took as one anyway. Is it really being religious when I could not imagine one moment of my day, without thinking about God or  talking to Him?  My faith actually effects how I live daily, it is not something I do twice a week and the rest of the time put on the back burner.  To live my life, the way I want to. It is the exact opposite, I love God so much that why would I separate the two?  There are many things you could be religious about running, reading, exercise, football, and even church.  But is doing something "religiously" the same as having faith or living daily life? 

   The Pharisees, Levites and the Sanhedrin were religious. On the outside they did everything right.  The went to church, tithed, fasted, obeyed the law, prayed out loud.  When you looked at their life you might want to say wow.  But their hearts were different, on the inside they were lacking one very important thing, faith. For them the rules were more important, when Jesus healed some one on the Sabbath, what did the Pharisees want to do? Stone him for not observing the Sabbath.  Do you just only observe the "important" Christian holidays, or  all of them?
     Mary, Martha, Lazarus, and the disciples to name a few had true faith.  They believed in their heart Jesus is Lord.  That he was the Messiah who came here to earth to save.  They changed their lives and way of life to follow and obey Jesus' commands. This is faith.  This is the way, I pray my life, husbands and children's life will be, and look like.  It may not be the most popular choice but it is ours. 
    Faith is much more than religion, it is believing in what you can not see.  Trust there is purpose for your life.  You were made to worship in all the things you do every day.

What is an Idol exactly?

Well, what is an idol? "Any thing on which we set our affections; that to which we indulge an excessive and sinful attachment." Yes, the last two words are sinful attachment. How can you possibly have a sinful attachment to something. Or better yet how is this sinful? Deuteronomy 5:8-10 tells us this, "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jelous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." While I find many interesting points in these three verses lets stayed focused. It is sinful because God said you are to have no idols, because He is God, and jealous. Well this great I don't have an image to bow down and worship I am good, you may be thinking. What was the defination though, any thing we set our affections, indulge excessively. Hmm, well I must be honest, I am very quick to point out others idols. In fact it is very easy in a college town when bussinesses close on saturday for a football game, and re-open sunday. While many tell me I don't understand, its football. I think I do understand. What is my idol you might be thinking. I will tell you and in fact this was not clear to me until this afternoon. Mine takes the form of exercise, laugh if you will, but as I was running this afternoon feeling good I got my run. I started to begin to think, that when I don't get to I ping. I stress out, I tend to think about it more than God. It consumes my thoughts. Upon realizing that this has taken an unhealthy turn I have decided to quit. Ha ha ha no I didn't, I confessed I might have an idol, on my hands, okay I do have one. It went from something I enjoyed doing, and in fact loved because, I would talk with God while I was running. To something I needed to do, even had to do. Some how I switched gears, which was a very subtle slow switch. So what do I do? Confess, tell God, I am sorry. Start over, make sure my first love who is God remains in first. To all things in my life, to my husband and children, to all I do. Have you ever noticed sometimes the subtle hills are the hardest to go back up? With prayer, this too shall pass. My love will remain.

The myth, the legend, ME time....

What about it? What about me. When do I get to do my thing. Why can not I do what I want too? Well can you here yourself in there or not. When I had just got married, I thought great I love this but, where did I go? Then two more children after the one we already had, I thought hmm, when do I get to do my stuff. I mean after all I am home all the time and all the time with my children, no time for me. Pretty soon I really started to resent my family. I did everything for them, and I never got a break. Where I went they went, what I did they did. I begged my sweet husband for some me time. The problem was he worked about 60-70 hrs a week to support us. He wasn't getting me time either, but unlike me he never complained. You may be thinking but he at least leaves the house, you are home ALL day. Guess what, I thought that too. Not thinking that he might not love what he does are that he thought of himself lucky.
Then one day, I was reading an article about this exact same thing in a home school magazine. The mom felt the same way, until she had lost a child and it changed her perspective a little on life. While thankfully I did not loose a child I did take note and learn. Where in the Bible do any of the women have me time. They have God time but not me time. This me time is a selfish, man created thing. Is it important to have time to step a way yes. Is it a necessity? No. It is a gift. When most girls are little the one thing they want most when they grow up is what? To be a mommy, a wife have a family. But when we grow up and get what we really wanted, is it what we really thought it would be?
For example most people think of a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) as a lucky women, getting fat and watching soaps all day. If you ask SAHM what their day is really like I don't think you will find she has time for either. Let alone herself. Same thing with the working mom. Both have little time for themselves. The problem arrives when you think you need time for your self. Did God give you a family to sit in front of a TV, computer, XBox, Wii or any other thing for you to pay little to no attention too? Nope! He gave you this family to grow and love. In fact raising a family, being a wife, and a mom, is the exact opposite of selfishness. Because it is all about serving the ones you love. If you don't love to serve, you better start to learn.
My days have gotten so much better since I stopped focussing on what I wasn't getting, and how everyone else (or seemed) was getting this thing called me time. But on what I did have, 3 beautiful children and a very loving husband. How lucky can a girl get?!? When you start looking at your family as a blessing and a gift that is special just for you. Life is so much simpler and better than before.
Bottom line die to self, and find a new life worth dancing through.