Attention to detail

Dare I say the words again? Attention to detail, if you are as lucky as I am, you too have heard these three words all your life.  First from my Dad, then in the Navy, and finally my Husband.  You can use those three words for many parts of your daily life, whether it involves cleaning, making dinner, teaching children, mowing the lawn, creating a gift and even where you are walking.  Sometimes the person who puts their heart and soul into a painting, an egg, a Cuckoo clock, a home, a garden or creation.  You can stand in awe of what has been so masterfully put together. 


Other times it is easier, like when cleaning, to just get the surface. You know dust the major areas and skip the minor ones or vacuum most of the house except for the nooks and crannies. The problem with this is, over time those, unseen places become seen, in fact they can cause more problems than they are worth.  Those silly little details can be the cause of a corner of papers waiting to start a fire, an asthma attack for someone you love.  I know that you might be thinking I am being a little to extreme, but am I?  Couldn't those things happen? As I was cleaning on Friday (actually vacuuming my ceilings, who knew the could get so filthy), it struck me, my marriage is like this house, I can dust off the surface or I can pay attention to the details. 

You see just like in everything else you do, in you marriage details matter too.  Most of the time it is not just worth dusting and tiding up the surface areas of your marriage if the cracks are being filled up with trash.  You know brushing off the argument but still leaving a little of the sting behind or storing up all the unintentional hurts and never speaking up about them.  It is just like shoving a little more dust and dirt in the cracks.  Pretty soon the beautiful details of your marriage are ugly, filthy, cover in a thick layer of grime. In fact, you and your spouse might not even recognize the marriage you two are in anymore. 

How do you keep from the details of your marriage becoming tarnished and unrecognizable?  How do you keep from doing the easy thing, brushing off almost all the hurts or storing up the insults?  How do you keep the mole hill from turning into a Volcano? 
Be Angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Eph 4:26
This verse in the Bible, is a tough one for me.  I, like so many others rather respond to the one I love with a sassy, haughty "NOTHINGS WRONG" and roll over with tears in my eyes and go to sleep.  The problem with my response is that I wake up just as mad as I was the night before, in fact probably a little more so than when I went to sleep.  The other part I have trouble with is not sinning in my anger.  Anger it self is not wrong, God and Jesus both got angry, it is what we do when you are angry that can cause the problem.  You see my tongue can say the wrong thing, okay my heart and mouth say the wrong things when I am angry causing me to sin in my anger.  You got that?  What to do then?  How do I fix this problem?  First, let me say I alone can not fix this one, only through prayer and Jesus can I.  Can I just stop my tongue from saying something hurtful.  Yes, I can it is my tongue! Maybe it means, I put myself in time out and then go, state my case. That way the passion of the moment is gone, I have had time to think about what was truly said and maybe even have a change a heart.  The hard part is not going to bed.  It might mean you and your spouse are up to three a.m. talking about those tiny little details. 

How about the other things that can cause dust and cobwebs to build up, you know the things we as women are naturally good at.  Things that are spouses don't throw in the nooks and crannies but we do? Nagging, looking for an excuse to argue, whining about his chores vs her chores, complaining about things even when it was meant for good.  Well, Proverbs has a lot to say about this.  Check these verses out.
It is better to live in a desert land Than with a CONTENTIOUS and VEXING woman.
Proverbs 21:19 (NASB)
Contentious: Apt to contend; given to angry debate; quarrelsome; perverse.
Vexing: Provoking; irritating; afflicting
or
It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a CONTENTIOUS woman. Proverbs 25:24 (NASB)
finally
A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a CONTENTIOUS woman are alike;
Proverbs 27:15 (NASB)
I would like to point out two things first in the NIV contentious is replaced with nagging.  So when I applied these verses to my heart I took them literally as in not to nag.  Instead I would ask once and lay my request at God's feet.  It was now in God's hands to work in my husbands life.  That meant for me, to wait on God, whether it was an hour, day, week, month or year.  I have laid many requests at Gods feet and many of requests have been answered in HIS timing, not mine.  Second when I read these verses again this time with a NASB
Even though cleaning the surface of a marriage is the easy thing to do, is it worth the tarnished details, that become hidden over time?  Who wants to live in the hot desert on a corner of a roof top, with a annoying sound?  Wouldn't it be better to live in an oasis, lush, green, rich in color, and with of the aroma tropical flowers all around you?  It could be like living in the hanging gardens of Babylon instead of the Gobi desert. 
Here is a thought to leave you with.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22
We are good things given to a man who has favor in the LORD.  Wouldn't you like to clean out your nook and crannies with me and become the wives we were meant to be?