When you feel invisable

  Confessions of this Wife, Momma and Home School teacher.  This is not a pity party, this is not for you to say oh you poor thing.  This is for you and me, me to share what I have learned and for you maybe to glean from what I have typed.
  Eight years ago I married a man I love,and moved to a place a felt and continued to feel invisible in.  Wow, try typing those words I feel invisible is kind of embarrassing and humbling.  So what is a woman to do but pray; God please change where we live; God please let us move; God please let us change Churches; God I want to serve you please use me; God I just want to be seen; God I am doing everything you ask yet nothing is changing; God let me reflect you in all I do; God my heart is yours let be a reflection of you; Just show me I am doing what I am supposed to. 
  The during the past year, I have fallen in love with several books of the Bible and precious verses in the Bible. 
  The Book of Job, yep I said it I love Job, because he has no idea what he has done for God to allow all this stuff to happen to him.  God response is 4 chapters!  "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?" Job 38:4, "Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place..." Job 38:12  God asks the most profound questions of Job, and how can he answer these questions of God's great awesome power, wisdom and love?  "I know that you can do all things; no plans of yours can be thwarted.  Job 42:2.   
Philippians, I love Philippians, how Paul wants the thorn in his flesh removed, but continues to serve God.
  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16  Do you know how incredibly hard it is to read these words and believe with your heart they are true and then walk out into the world and not feel them.  To reread them, write them on the tablet of my heart and still struggle with truth?  I find it tiring, but I am just flesh and do not see all things just the things in front of me. 
  "The LORD God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with he love,he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17  (I know what you are thinking, who even reads Zephaniah?  I do, I love the minor prophets because there is so much heart in their words.)  The first time I read these words, I read it again, then again out loud to myself and just let them sink into my very being. God sings praises over me! I was moved to tears.  He loves enough to sing praises over me! Me the girl who feels out place, wasn't out of place I was right where he wanted me. 
  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD... " Jeremiah 29:11-14  I have read these words to myself many times, I have heard them spoken a lot.  But like many, I wondered, I have if you have plans for me, why don't I know what they are?  Why can I not see your plans?  Are you sure you want to use me?  This is can be a very dark place to walk into, this place can make you unsure of who you are. It is best to trust these words to believe them with all your heart.  To know that he does have plans for you, they are wonderful and made just for you!  
  I would love to quote all Isaiah 6:1-10, But that would take up a lot more space.  I don't know how many times I begged God, yes send me!!!! I don't know how many times God has gently said I have, I do every day.  Are you doing what we are supposed.  Many of us God to send us, but we forget God sends us out everyday, to work, at home, to the store, to play groups, to church, Facebook, Twitter, blog posts.  The question is I am using these place that God sends me to be a light?  I really try to be a light every where and share my life with all I talk to.  I try to be real and encouraging. 
   This brings me to my statements in the beginning, of feeling invisible, feeling like I never impact anyone's life.  I even asked for advice from a very Speaker who told me she even feels this way at times.  And not to lose heart, to keep on keeping on...and this final passage I found in Proverbs. "Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of heart." Proverbs 3:3  I wonder if this passage jumped out on purpose?  I was losing my kindness, in my love for people.  I just felt useless.  I read this I thought, I don't want to lose my heart, I don't want to lose the light in my eyes when I meet people, I don't want to be calloused please God don't let me become this kind of person. 
  Today,  I ran into someone I haven't really spoke to in almost two years. Where I learned I do impact lives, just not where and with whom, I thought I was supposed too.  It is in my daily life, the life I share with others God uses.  Not just in a specific building, not with church people.  With all people I see daily. 
  You or I are never invisible! Not to God or those you are around.  He is always using us whether we know it or not.  Whether we feel like it or not.  My big God moment came to me in the car tonight after this conversation with the friend and my husband.  "I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU, DECLARES THE LORD, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE" Even though I might not feel visible I am, on the radio during these thoughts, the message being spoken was about the same thing, don't quit, stand firm.  And was finished by quoting Jeremiah 29:11.  I know that was for me at that moment.  I know what God has been trying to tell me, even though I am hard headed and don't always listen.  I am seen and so are you.  Remember that loved ones. YOU ARE LOVED.