Turning our gaze back

On this path we have chosen.  You know when you start out on your adventures and you are really excited on what you have set out to do?  What happens when the excitement dies and life kicks in? What happens when the world starts to consume your life you are living?  What happens when gaze shifts just a little to the left or right?  You are miles off the road you thought you were once on.  It is so easy to do.


I have noticed that on our (I almost said mine it is not mine, I will address this more) a long the way God speaks to me in different ways sometime through a radio ministry, through his Word, but most of the he uses some kind of home school or family magazine.  Don't laugh I am serious most of the time whatever is going on in out lives at that moment will be written about in one of these forms. How on earth does God do that?  I know He is God.


Our gaze:  Raise a family against the grain, bring them home in a Christ centered home, educate them with out all the lies. Talk about God from dawn to dusk.  Not shove God down their throats but speak of Him and praise Him in all we do.


My shift: Thinking that this was "my" thing not ours.  Closing out the Principal my best friend, but pretending he was still included. I foolishly alienated him from a very important part of our life. 


How did that happen?: First of all, home schooling can consume a lot of your life. OKAY! I was, eating, drinking and breathing home school.  It is what I talked about,it is what I am passionate about.  The problem my passion was consuming me, it wasn't a part of my life it had become my life.  Second, I would become offensive if anything was said about how I was doing "my" thing.  Even if it was to help our children, "my" thing was being attacked.  Therefore I was being attacked. Third, which probably should be first my love of my life became last.  Which I did not see until he took the time to say, I don't know you anymore.  Wait, what? What are you talking about I am here, at home all day? How do you not know me? 


Solution: Lets talk, we talked for a whole week.  I won't say they were all beautiful but they were healing talks.  Talks of hurts, talks of love, talks like when you first start to date. What kind of music do you like, what are you dreams, have they changed?  Pray, not alone but together, share some time just the three of you, Hubby, God and you.  Put God back in the center of the two of you.


During this whole time our magazines start coming in.  First one on communication and not understanding each other.  My husband called me and said we could have actually written that one. Next couple of articles all came from the same magazine.  One on being that girl (you know the one your husband married), another one on the secret everyone who home school knows but doesn't talk about. It is tough on your marriage if you, do what I did, shut your spouse out and try to do it alone and not communicate. Okay where were these articles weeks or months ago.  Why didn't anyone share these secrets.  Learning things the hard way is hard. I do find it amazing that God has a way of letting us know that we are not alone in this.  That more than the two of us have these exact challenges and yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


Finally: Marriage is always changing, you can change together or apart.  It is best to change together, to continue to learn about one another, be open to what your spouse is telling you.  Putting them before your children and other things.  Make an effort to show your love for him. Change what you need to change and love abundantly. 


Extra note: It doesn't mean quit home schooling, it means change how you were doing it and truly include your spouse.  Except his encouragement and guidance lovingly and gracefully.