Well I think, it isn't a one day you roll over and go ugh, or man I don't love you. It is like anything else, your marriage is like on the pinnacle of a mountain. At the highest point of a peak, just balancing there waiting for the wind to blow. When it does are you (as a couple) balanced enough to stay on top or do we slowly start drifting down one side of the mountain? Staying balanced takes a lot of work, going down one side or another might even seem fun, like you two are doing fine. Then you hit the base of the mountain unprepared and unaware that you were even sliding down. Does it have to be a drastic slide like infidelity? No, it doesn't it could be too much something else and not enough us. How many people does it take to keep your marriage on the pinnacle of that mountain? Three, you, your spouse and God at the center holding you two together so neither one of us slip. Well, that does sound great doesn't just keep God where he is supposed to be and everything will be all right, right? What happens, when life happens and God takes second or third and family gets third or forth? You start slipping down the mountain. What happens when you do not put effort into loving your spouse every day, even when you are tired? You start slipping down the mountain. How do you grasp hold of the mountain and start pulling yourself back up? Or is it to late to take the hike back up? Hiking takes work, effort and sometimes makes you breathless. The view from the top...is worth every bit though. There is a mountain back home that if you climb to the top of it before lunch on a clear day you can see Seattle from the haystack. breath taking and worth all the work you put into it.
Words are deadly, did you know that. He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. Proverbs 13:3 Words are also builders. A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Proverbs 16:23 How you choose to use them states alot about your hearts condition. I know, because if I choose them to hurt, I am going to choose ones that sting and cut the deepest. That is called fighting dirty. Do I truly mean them, no, but it leaves a mark on my spouse and I will reap what words I have sown for a long time. What a about a nagging spouse? I mean they just never stop? How can I love that kind of person or live with that? A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like constant dripping. Proverbs 19:13 Oh I know, if I didn't stay on him or her they would never get anything done. Really? Do you have faith in your spouse or that God will help them? Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21: 9 Are you like me, sometimes I look for the argument, maybe not on purpose, it might be my mood. But that does not justify the quarreling. Why do we do that? Why do we attack the ones we love? Bad day? The wrong thing said? Stress?
What about, well they just don't complete me anymore, there is just not any joy left. You are asking your spouse to fill a roll that only God is supposed to fill. You are asking a human to fill an impossible task. When you allow God to fill the love, joy and hope part. When you allow Him to complete you, you can love deeper and better. In Psalm 107 the psalmist repeats four times, Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love, hes wonderful deeds for men. Women are supposed to submit, be helpmate to their husbands, that does not make us less of a person. ( Ephesians 5:22 and Genesis 2:22-25) Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. (Ephesians 5:23).
There are no promises of uneventful, untroublesome, boring life where life is perfect all the time. There is not an immunity pill or magic formula, you could do everything "right" and still fall victim to trouble in your marriage. It is what you do in those times. Do you recognize it, accept it and say there is no hope for us. Or do you recognize it, accept it, and say there is hope with Christ and some disciple ship. Seek help from those older couples who have been married a long while, who have hit bottom but have climbed back to the top maybe even more than once. Finally, even if you fight, even if in the end, you are broken, crushed and feeling alone. Remember if at the bottom you can not fix it because someone is unwilling. You are in the hand of God, he has pieced you together, you are more than loved, He is singing over you right now. There is always hope in the creator. Life is full of land mines, full of disappointment and hurt. Cling to the fulcrum at the pinnacle of the mountain. When Christ is the center of you and your spouse, you can do all things.
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